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A.
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There are
two general directions you can take with your husband. One is to accept that
he has the flaws he does (my wife knows about this!), and that pressing him
to change is not only futile, but makes you frustrated and makes him more
obstinate. It is a little easier to re-label his behavior then - rather that
simply insensitive, maybe he's scared to death of your strong emotions.
Which one of you really needs the comforting? Imagine how you might behave
if you could adopt this view 100%. It could be worth seeing how he responds.
The other general direction is in some ways incompatible, but not
completely. You would decide that in being committed to your marriage, you
are committed to doing everything in your power to stop his eroding it.
Being careful not to do it in a way that can backfire, you strategize on how
to turn up the heat. For example, you might talk to him about your complaint
repeatedly, but only when you're composed. At the times you're crying, you
may not be as assertive, and he's already shown that he tunes you out. So,
at the other times the issue is always at the top of the agenda. In a sense,
he's not playing the game, so you keep pitching the ball until the only
thing left for him is to swing at it.
If you want to explore these kinds of options some more, a very good writer
on the subject is Michele Weiner-Davis. Check out any of her books, esp.
Getting Through to the Man You Love: The No-Nonsense, No-Nagging Guide for
Women on one of the retail websites.
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