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A.
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You have a
mighty dilemma. My first suggestion would be to treat with skepticism any
advice to take choice 1 over choice 2. In the end, only you can decide.
And only you will know just how much sadness and anxiety is going to be
inherent with either option.
Try could
viewing your dilemma as four-pronged: Choice 1 would be that you decide to
leave your wife and that you do so in the most careful, strategic manner,
doing the most that you can to ensure this unfolds as becoming the right
choice. Choice 2 would be that you leave in a way that magnifies the
potential for a negative outcome, say by being mean, impulsive or passive,
neglecting the care of your self, your social network, financial interests
and so on. Choices 3 and 4 would be the most attentive, well-equipped
approach to staying with her, vs. the approach that would leave you the most
hurt. In other words, the way in which you select a choice and then
follow through on it what is important, and it is where you can nitty-gritty
choices on a day-to-day basis. The working out of those specifics might be
where your attention is going to be productive.
One more
thing. Al-Anon is not for everyone in your situation, but those who do find
it helpful would probably say that it’s the repeated attendance that makes
it work.
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